So I was googling myself today… (Wait, that sounds dirty, doesn’t it?) I was searching my name on the internet hoping to find articles and websites that have written about me…. (That sounds pathetic, doesn’t it?) Anyways, I found another person in this world with the exact same name as me! Exciting stuff, right? Well, it turns out that this other “Taylor Williamson” is an American living in Darfur, working as part of an HIV clinical trial. This guy is in Africa trying to save the world! Boy does this guy make my life sound insignificant. You know what I did today? I spent an hour searching my name on the internet. Then I googled myself.
I know better than to compare myself to others, so I won’t do that. We live different lives. Neither one of us is better than the other. He is spending his time trying to find a cure for HIV and prevent millions of innocent children from dying every year, and I’m trying to figure out how to make fun of him.
I wonder how I can use this guy to my advantage. Maybe I’ll meet one of those girls who’s really into helping others, and nonsense like that. And if she asks me, “What do you do in your free time? Do you volunteer for any charities?” I’ll say, “Taylor Williamson works in Africa trying to stop AIDS.” And she’ll be all over me! she’s obviously a good person, so she can totallly get over the fact that I seemingly talk in third person. She’ll tell her friends, “Yah, my new boyfriend talks in third person. But what a great guy he is! Taylor Williamson helps those affected with HIV in Africa and is fighting for a cure. But he also says he went to culinary school! But for some reason, whenever I ask him to make me dinner, he says it isn’t possible. because ‘Taylor Williamson lives Africa, you idiot.’ He has a weird sense of humor, but he’s such a humanitarian!’”
I hope this guy doesn’t cure HIV. Now don’t get me wrong, I want HIV to be cured, that would be great, it would totally make my day. My problem would be if this guy was the man who put a stop to this disease. He would end up being way more famous than I could ever imagine! Think about it. Who’s more famous….Seinfeld, or Einstein? This guy would definitely ruin my life! I would check into hotels and people would say, “My goodness! Are you the Taylor Williamson who cured HIV, thus saving millions of lives and changing the world as we know it?” And I’d say, “No. I’m the Taylor Williamson who’s MCing the Bridelstein family reunion in the reception hall. While you’re helping me out, is there any way you can put me in a room next to the ice machine? That would be terrific. Oh, you don’t have any available? Wait a minute, where did this $5 bill come from? I just found it on the ground! It must be yours. It’s yours, right? Take it. Now let me ask you again…..any rooms left next to the ice machine??”
I’ll be honest, one day if this guy does become super famous, I would probably be excited to meet him! If I saw him at a speech, I’d run up to him and say “Hey, Taylor Williamson! Guess what, I’m a comedian, and we have the same name! Isn’t that crazy?!?” And he’ll probably give me attitude and say, “Yah, right. Whatever. Get out of my face. I don’t believe you.” And just before security drags me away and he’s out of my sight, I’ll yell at the top of my lungs, “Are you calling me a liar? You know what? Go Google yourself!”
