I’ve really had a great time in New York. Here are some things I’ve learned during my short stay in this wonderful city!
- To properly dispose of a condom, you are supposed to tie it in a knot and throw it on the sidewalk.
- If you go to a pizza restaurant, do not ask the owner for a fork and knife because your hands are dirty…unless you want to be called a faggot.
- Cute girls on subways do not enjoy talking to really talented up-and-coming comedians.
- When crossing the street, the little man = walk, and the red hand = try not to get hit by a car.
- It is possible to use the phrase “hustle and bustle” 14 times in one day.
- I do not like falafel.
- My expensive, little apartment in Los Angeles, is in fact really big and cheap.
- There are a lot of Jamacians with white babies.
- Being from LA in New York is not as cool as being from LA in El Paso, Texas.
- If you get lost in Central Park and need directions, it is necessary for you to speak either French or Russian to communicate with others.
- When being carded outside of a performance, the “It’s cool, I’m on the show” excuse does not work here either.
- Just because you’re homeless, it doesn’t mean you can’t have cats!
- People love sitting on stoops.
- Just because there’s not a toilet on the subway, it doesn’t mean you can’t pee in it. Or on it.
- Red Sox suck and Yankees rule!
- It is possible to step in horse poop in front of a McDonald’s.
