WARNING: The following may be considered to be “gay” if read by fourteen-year-old boys, or by about 70% of the audiences that saw me perform in Tampa on Saturday night.
There were many reasons for me wanting to get into comedy. Besides my love of unlimited free alcohol and desire to impregnate a girl in at least 22 major cities within the next seven years, as well as my joy of meeting people who cannot understand when someone is being facetious, I just love to make people laugh. The entire process is so terrific. I do or say something, and if people enjoyed what I offered, they respond by having a guffaw, a giggle, or maybe even a snort. Well, that’s the way it goes….hopefully.
As I was reminded last weekend, some people, instead of laughing, like to respond by yelling such phrases as “Say something funny!” or “This guy sucks.” Or even worse….silence.
As any comic will attest to, it can be very frustrating when audiences do not appreciate or respond to material that one has worked so hard on, and that usually works! While I’m on stage and this is happening, I start thinking about all the things I could say to make them laugh. Maybe I could point at some guy wearing a pink shirt and call him a “queer”, that worked well for another comic; or perhaps using a quality line on a heckler such as “Hey, I don’t go to your job at McDonald’s and knock the fries out of your hand.” Instead, I remain frustrated and annoyed. For whatever stupid reason, I’d rather keep my integrity than “dumb down my act”, as has been suggested to me after occasions such as this. When I am doing my act, looking out in front of 200 people that are, as a majority, inebriated out of their minds, staring at me in disgust, or busy in their own conversations, I begin to reconsider my objective. These people are drunk, ignorant, stupid, and rude….why in the world am I trying to make them laugh? Why would I want to? Then I look around again, and see that there are some people with smiles on their faces, trying to have a good time. Some even are actually laughing, and are getting the most out of the $30+ they paid to be there. There is a group of drunk people heckling and talking to one another, another large group of people that do not enjoy me at all, but then when I see one person who is, or is trying to have a good time, I am reminded of why I do this.
After a really rough show Saturday night, where within my 25 minute set, highlighted by several people being kicked out of the club, me having to stop my act multiple times to put drunk morons in their place, and dealing with a large part of the crowd not enjoying my comedy, I walked offstage and was followed by a lady who I had noticed really enjoyed my performance. She said to me, “You were so funny. Don’t worry about those people. There are people here that enjoy intelligent comedy, you were brilliant. Keep on doing what you are doing, you are going to be so famous.” She went on to tell me how her brother was sick, how comedy helped him through the pain, and asked if I had a CD, since he would have really enjoyed my act.
This really meant a lot. As any good insecure comedian can do, I can tell the difference between a “You’re funny” speech after a bomb where someone is trying to make you feel better, and one when they really meant it; and she did. It really meant more than she knows. I would put this up there with when a man came up to me after an open mic at the Comedy Store in San Diego when I was eighteen-years-old and told me, “I’m a doctor. I deal with people who are sick and dying every day. You can do something that I can’t. You are probably too young to understand, but thank you for what you do.” It really didn’t mean a lot then, but it does now.
I remember a couple years ago corresponding with a veteran comedian after reading his book. I cringe when I think about how I mentioned that one of my goals in comedy was to “make a difference.” How lame does that sound? I’m not trying to end the war in Iraq or get people to stop spanking their kids, I’m just trying to make people laugh. But it finally clicked, that by doing just that, I am making a difference. It really isn’t about the money or potential notoriety that may come along with this career (although that wouldn’t hurt)…Having the opportunity and ability to make people laugh is a privilege that I don’t take for granted…people like those who came up to me and said such nice things are what motivate me to continue with my career. Although there are unfortunately more examples of people who are trying to convince me to quit while I’m ahead.
Being a cerebral comic (or any type of comic, for that matter) on the road is a good idea if you want to lose faith in the human race. There are a lot of people who are happy to help you along the way. Some of my favorites this past week were the bald, white guy coming up to me after a show telling me how much he “loved the Jew material”, on two occasions - or even better, after I had a great set, the amazing reaction the comedian following me got while doing his impression of Stevie Wonder having sex with Helen Keller (too good to be true..I know). My question of why Arrested Development and Freaks and Geeks are no longer on the air has been answered.
I am often asked for advice from young comedians. The best advice I ever got was to not take advice from anyone, which is ironic, I know. But if you do want advice from me, here it is: Do what you think is funny. Stick to it. There will be shows where you are staring at a group of 140 people who do not think you are funny at all, but in that group, there may be 60 that do. There may be 40, or even only one. But those people who like you, will love you, and come back to see you again, and maybe bring a friend or two with similar sensibilities the next time you’re in town. Not lowering your standards to get laughs by telling awful dick jokes and amazing impressions such as the one previously mentioned can be tough, especially with the huge reactions they can get from crowds. But stay true to yourself. You may not be an overnight success, and it may take you longer to “make it”, as is proven by comics like Mitch Hedberg, Dave Attell, Todd Glass, Zach Galifianakis, Ron White, Doug Benson, Todd Barry, Robert Schimmel, Andy Kindler, Louis CK, Lewis Black…..I think I made my point.
The term “making it” is so vague, anyways. What does it mean? Having a sitcom? Writing or starring hit movies? The great thing about standup comedy that I love so much is that no matter what happens in that part of the business, worst case scenario is standup comedy will always be there. That itself sounds like a joke. The greatest backup plan in the world - making people laugh, for a living. Sounds good to me.
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Speaking of Mitch Hedberg, if you are a comic that wants an even more specific example of what I’m taking about, go watch his unedited special on his “Mitch All Together” CD/DVD. He is not getting good reactions from the crowd on a large portion of his performance, certainly nowhere near “special” standards. Then watch his edited special with laughs put in where this crowd was supposed to. And then go see how great his career started to go after it aired and smart comedy fans that had never heard of him saw the greatness he had to offer.
I’m not sure what the point of this was. I feel sorry for anyone who read all of this.
