I know people who like to have fun. Some people I know like to have fun in dangerous ways, such as street racing, doing drugs, or even reading. Say what you want, but I’ve never gotten a paper-cut from watching The Cosby Show. You know what I did get? Good morals, and quality entertainment. I went to a party a couple weeks ago, in an attempt to have fun. I did not succeed. I don’t understand how being in a room that should not hold more than four people, filled with fifty drunk people, combined with Journey’s Greatest Hits at full blast is a good time. I’m also not a big fan of weird people initiating conversations with me. The following is an exact transcript of the conversation I had before leaving the party. “Hey, I’m Moses.” “What?” “I’m Moses.” “Hi, I’m Taylor, nice to meet you. Sorry I can’t shake your hand.” “Oh, are you one of those germaphobes?” “No, I just can’t move my arms.” “What was your name again?” “Taylor.” “Octavian???” “No, Taylor.” “Where are you from?” “San Diego.” “Wow, that’s a really interesting name.” “Remember when I said ‘nice to meet you?’ I lied.” OK, I didn’t really say that last part, but he probably wouldn’t have heard it anyways.
I met a guy who’s favorite thing to do was hunt, and he actually invited me to go hunting with him. I had to turn him down…if my mom ever found out that I went hunting, she’d probably shoot me! And then hang my head over the fireplace. I’m not a fan of hunting myself. I wonder how the idea for hanging an animal’s head over a mantel came about. There was probably some guy who was like, “Hey Mike! You’re never going to believe what I just did! I Killed a moose!” And his friend said, “Oh yeah, then prove it! I want evidence.” So the next week when his friend came over, there was a big moose head over his fireplace. When Mike saw the face, he probably was freaked out and yelled, “Dude, you’ve got a moose head hanging on the wall?” And then he said, “you said you wanted evidence.” Mike replied, “You could’ve just taken a photo!” Then he said, “Oh yah, good point.” “Well what did you do with its body??” “I tried flushing it down the toilet.” “You can’t flush a moose’s body down the toilet!!” “I said ‘I tried.’” “So where’s the body now?” “I put it in my brother’s bed, I hear that’s a good way to intimidate him.” “You’re supposed to put a head in his bed, and a horse’s head, not one from a moose.” “Well I guess we need to go out hunting for a horse.” “You can’t hunt horses.” “Well then how am I going to put part of a horse in his bed?” “Maybe use some glue?” “Good idea.”
10 minutes later his brother comes running down the stairs…
“Someone glued a headless moose’s body to my bed!! AAAAH! And there’s a moose’s head above the fireplace!!”
That was a beautiful story, wasn’t it?
The whole idea of hurting or killing an animal for entertainment baffles me. I hate to get political here, but the only time anyone should ever kill a helpless creature is if they need it for food, or if they want to look super cool in a fur coat. This blog is making me hungry. Anyone want to go get a burger?
